Sleepless at this hour...
Monday, May 26, 2008 @ at
Have yet to close my eyes for sleep. Slept late last night and only woke up at almost 1pm. Didn't do much today. Was with Dearie at his place, playing with my laptop while he studied for his exams. Mood didn't seem to get better till much much later... only when Dearie was talking to me on the phone before he drifted off to his dreamland once again.
He didn't know what was wrong with me and told me that he was worried on how come I didn't talk much and didn't laugh much? Said he purposely fetched me from my place to his and it's definitely not to see me pulling a long face in front of him. Haiz... I also dunno how to explain to him. Told him I really had no idea what is coming over me and I can't explain the behaviour as well. Dearie asked if I am contemplating on changing my mind on us. Tears started to flow out. I never have that kind of idea and it didn't even come across my mind. He said he just want to re-affirm that and he doesn't want to be unprepared should things start to change.
Upset that he asked me that question. Said I made him worried and stressed and would affect his studies. That would be the last that I would ever want to do to him. I would want him to do well for his exams and in his career as well. Both of us are working hard in our area of expertises, taking the big step in a few months' time. It's just saddening to hear him asking me that although he meant no harm. Guess sometimes Dearie just doesn't know how to show his love for me and made me feel that he is not sensitive towards my feelings at all.
Dearie woke up earlier than me and sayang me when I was sleeping. I like that kind of feeling, to be pampered and loved. He woke up and studied while I was sleeping on his bed, tossing and turning around. He let me have the fan so that I will not feel hot while he was perspiring. I know Dearie treats me well but sometimes, I just want him to show it and do it. Probably as stress level builds up, these things are not done as often and I am feeling neglected. At times, I would feel that I love him more than he loves me. I am not shy to hold his hand and snuggle close to him in public. He does it but those occurrences are getting lesser at times. Maybe I am just greedy and want him to pamper me and shower me with more love. Maybe I am just a woman who needs attention and he is not giving me many as other things start to occupy his time. Having to juggle work and studies are not easy tasks. Plus me in... Not saying I am difficult to please but sometimes, just a little action from him to let me know he loves me, will make me happy the whole day. I am easily contented and pleased. I never intend to make things difficult. Just wish that Dearie could just get closer to me each day when I am just so close to him...
